The Weekend and the Sweet Chaos of Gray

The Weekend

(I wanted to refer to YOU as “She”, but then again, it’s YOU. So just for a heads-up, I will never mention any “you” here that is not YOU). 😀

It wasn’t what I expected, but it was more of that.

It wasn’t my type of weekend, dear, but it’s the weekend of the century.

Thank you for the weekend. Thank you for such an unplanned night with you.

I asked you to eat, and you didn’t, so we had to just stroll around the campus for hours, talking about random stuff and realizing how you ruined my usual night. You know how I had to hide under the covers or even behind the closet just to evade people who come to ruin the game night I am used to? Well, for the same reason I wanted my night to be fun, I decided to break off the tradition and spend it with you.

Well, I thank you for ruining the game night. Honestly, I was afraid that we might end up like how we talked when we were in our freshman days, when we had more dead air than things to talk about. Thank you for listening to my endless stories and letting me hear some of yours as well. I never thought that there will come a time that I will know you better than how I knew you. I just told you many things about me that I wouldn’t have told otherwise. Thank you for just allowing yourself to have a glimpse of who I was and who I want to be. Most of all, I hope you weren’t bored because we did nothing but talk and walk (and perhaps scare each other of frogs and ghosts, respectively).

Thank you that it wasn’t just a night, but they were two. Thank you for hanging out with me and my roommate. I appreciate that you sang with us the songs you knew, and watch us go crazy over the songs you didn’t know. I’m having really quite a weekend despite the fact that we both have some work to do. It was really nice to be with you, and your friends must be lucky because they have you all the time, and I only have the weekends with you.

Every night I was with you, I feel like there was so much time for everything else. Honestly I felt like I can do anything after those two weekends. They were hanging like smoke in my clothes and engravings in my brain.It’s just that we only have those weekends, and I can’t miss every chance possible to be with you. I didn’t regret that I’m just starting to do my exercises today, because I knew you more in those two weekends. I honestly didn’t know how it became so spontaneous and natural between us to just tell each other things about ourselves, when, two years ago, we were tongue-tied and cannot say anything. We were like all-academics then, as I never wanted to drive you away. Now you can stay in my place with no awkwardness, and we can even talk without thinking because we never offended each other anyway.

But most of all, I like the fact that you could easily accept how nerdy I am when it comes to airplanes. Ha ha ha. You know how most people would only watch me land and ignore the rest of the trip? Or how people wouldn’t watch my extreme indulgence on the matter? Well, thank you for being different. It was so sweet that you knew how I feel… well, about that landing. Seriously, thank you for choosing my plane. I’m telling you, dear, it’s the first landing I nailed, save for the many landing approaches we missed (had to do right downwind then base for that missed landing ha ha ha). it was a perfect alignment thanks to you! It wasn’t in my log book but I knew we both recorded it in our minds.

Those nights were chances for us to be up and honest with each other, but, as we both know, we never know. We’ll never know when honesty hits us. I, for one, never knew that honesty would hit us just this morning…

The thing about that Weekend is that the chains on our tongues and the covers of our heart were completely removed, not only because we became more open, but because you answered my question.

The Sweet Chaos of Gray

Bakit hindi ka naiilang? (Isn’t it awkward on you side?)

It was the question I’m longing to ask since two nights ago, and I only mustered the courage to speak out today. Apparently I thought we wouldn’t make it to the answer, but these words were the only things I heard:

Hindi naman dapat mailang, eh.

You are different, I’m telling you, and thank you for being the girl that you are. Thank you that you are you. And I’m thankful I’m saying these things to you know. I’m thankful that I like you.

I believe the rest are so much just between us, don’t you think? So I’ll have to rephrase it for the world to see. Is that okay? Well it should be. “wala ka namang magagawa eh. ha ha ha

Well, you know how I’m not asking for any chance, but you still gave me one. Until now, I’m still not sure what to do next, and I know you are, too. We are not afraid — we are terrified. But the thing about us is that we’re smart, and we don’t know what “rushing” means.

I said:

Let the good times roll.

You said:

No pressure.

And now, I ask: What are we?

For the same reason I asked you before, I just wanted to know. I wanted to know it with you. I desperately wanted to define what this is…

…But for the first time in my life, I like the fact that we don’t know what this is, that we have so much time to figure it out, and that we will know sooner or later with no one clamoring for the answer.

I remember telling my old lover about the meaning of MU.

Magulong usapan (gray line),

I say. Chaos, uncertainty, jealousy, insecurity.

I’m not saying that we are in an M.U. I’m just saying that gray lines suck for me (read the next paragraph okay? HA HA).

But again, for the first time, I’m happy about this chaos — this chaos of gray. For the first time in my life, I’d stay with you on the gray line. If you ever changed a part of me, it’s this. You taught me to take things slowly, with no pressure to know, no rushing at all. For the first time, the gray line was my sweet chaos of gray, and, inasmuch as I like you, I think we are making the right step.

I know we cannot be like this forever, but for the meanwhile that we are both terrified of what we are in right now, Let’s just stay this way, not knowing where we’re going but we’re having fun just talking and knowing each other more. This is what we both want for now, right?

You once said that we are no longer friends. Well, actually, I feel that, too. So now, what are we?

I don’t know. Let God decide on what we are supposed to be. Let’s just use this time to know each other more, and to have fun. Let’s figure this out…

…together. Together in the exact same way that we are right now. 😀

Thanks for the weekend. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for making me realize that gray lines aren’t so bad after all.

No pressure. let the good times roll (Credits to you and me for that.)



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