Late Night Thoughts

In a few hours, it’s already work day. I should be asleep by now, but thoughts keep coming to my head. It’s either the coffee my girlfriend and I had just a few hours ago is unfortunately taking effect or maybe it’s just the thoughts that kept me awake for a while–my monsters–are keeping me awake.

To be realistic, I think it’s the coffee, which would probably cause me to lose my mood to write and just bring me to scroll through Facebook until I fall asleep. But to make things more exciting, let’s assume that it’s my monsters keeping me awake.

My monsters are keeping me awake.

They are the monsters of should have been. They are the monsters of why didn’t you. They are the monsters of you should’ve known better. They don’t mean to hurt me. They just mean to scare me.

They are the monsters of regret, and every single day since… I always hear them laughing, weeping, crying every night.

NOTE: I don’t want to be so explicit about them yet, so pardon me for not saying who exactly are those monsters, but we’ll talk about them in a next post, I promise.

They are the monsters that remind me what my life could have turned out if I chose the other way–ways, I mean. They tell me why every single day is somewhat wasting or somewhat dragging. They tell me why they exist in the first place.

How wrong have my choices been? I ask myself.What “more right” thing could I have done in the past that would make the present not so grueling and painful? Where could I be now if I chose the other way?

In the end, I realized, they were not here to scare me–that I was scaring myself to death.

Looking at them again, however, they don’t seem to be monsters at all. The monsters I was seeing were the monsters I created, and the ones I thought to be monsters were… cool. Friendly.

They are what I love and still love. the passions, the crystal part of my being. The one that doesn’t just seem to go away no matter how hard I try to forget it.

In the end, I realized, they were not here to scare me–that I was scaring myself to death.

They were here just to knock at the doors of my heart again, to give them a second chance after I threw them away and forgot about them for four years. Four long years.

I realized that I was so scared, but it was the same scary feeling I had when time came to decide whether I will follow them or go the way I took back then which led to what I am today.

They are asking me to come to them, and I have decided.

I decided to dedicate the next few days to working hard so that I can finally follow my friends. No longer are they my monsters, for they are the motivation I have to make a change in my life.

And when that day comes, I’ll wake up every single day thankful of what I have become.

 

Kids, follow your passions. Don’t let anyone get in the way.

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